


the machine of a dream

by thesnakearchives



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Crack Pairing, Double Date, Falling In Love, Married Couple, Other, Triple Date, Weddings, cars in love, gear up it's time to burn some RUBBER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 05:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19784080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnakearchives/pseuds/thesnakearchives
Summary: Who knew cars can fall in love? Crowley, Aziraphale, Newt, and Anathema definitely didn't. In the end, it ended being a somewhat pleasant surprise.





	the machine of a dream

**Author's Note:**

> i dedicate this to the r/goodomens discord server, for making me write this nightmare, and discord user voidify, who started this hell ride. also this is beta-less so it might be really bad.

Love comes in all forms. It could be a newly married couple slow-dancing. Maybe it's an angel doing the gavotte in ¼ speed with his demon lover, who is doing the disco in ¼ speed. But, on that wedding night, it was two cars who unexpectedly met and fell in love instantly.

The Bentley was Crowley's car. They had two purposes: to bring Crowley to places and always be there for Crowley. Never had they ever expected to fall in love with another car. It was Anathema and Newton's wedding and the car was a good ol' Reliant Robin, blue and beautiful. Their name was Dick Turpin, a name that rolled right off their belt drive. The Bentley was parked right next to the pretty boy equivalent of a car so naturally, they made conversation. They honked at them with a hopeful echo weaved in the spaces of the noise. To their delight, Dick Turpin honked back. It was a rough little honk but it was music to the Bentley's cracked windows. Maybe they were into them too? Slowly, a conversation formed and they were talking about how much of a mess their owners were, the best taste of gas, and the best music to blast on the radio.

"Crowley! Newt! Your cars are acting up!" The Bentley heard Aziraphale yell.

Their owners made them stop talking to each other but the Bentley had decided that they were most definitely in love with that car.

Later on, during the dinner party, they began using the form of music to communicate. The music at the party was loud enough for them to talk to each other with songs. The Bentley took a risky move and played Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" for Dick Turpin. They apparently took the hint and started playing "Wonderwall" by Oasis. The Bentley had never been so into a car or in love and it was a frightful feeling. It was also an exhilarating feeling and they would never forget that day.

"C'mon, Crowley, time to sober up and go home," Aziraphale said, supporting Crowley with his shoulder. "Oh, good Lord…"

Aziraphale and Crowley were walking up to the parking lot. The Bentley's time with Dick Turpin would end soon. This made them very distraught and as soon as a now mostly sober Crowley turned the Bentley on, they started playing songs like "Too Much Love Will Kill You" and "No-One but You" by Queen. They did this all the way back to Crowley's apartment and even when he tried to turn them off.

"I think there's something wrong," Aziraphale said, looking sadly at them. He was a being of love after all, which meant he could sense heartbreak.

"Yeah, like what?"

"Your car… When we walked towards it, I felt love radiating around it."

"Whatever could that mean?"

"I don't know, let's go and deal with it tomorrow."

Aziraphale and Crowley went to the apartment and left the Bentley all alone with a case of lovesickness. All they could think about was Dick Turpin and only Dick Turpin.

Meanwhile, two other people were having car problems.

"No, I don't know what's wrong with it," Newt told Anathema.

Dick Turpin was acting strange, just like the Bentley. All it did on the ride home was play Britpop love songs which drove Newt crazy.

"Let's just go sleep, I'm tired." Anathema sighed. "Besides, we're too drunk to mess with it now."

Then, they too, left their car alone and lovesick. Dick Turpin quietly played love songs and cried until morning. They longed for the Bentley, wanted the Bentley, and although they could live without them, they can't imagine the pain they could forever live with.

It was the next morning and the Bentley was making broken car honk noises. Anyone could tell how sad the car was by the depressing pattern of the honk. Crowley and Aziraphale walked over to them.

"Okay, what's wrong, Bentley?" Crowley asked with a tint of annoyance in his voice. He turned them on. Immediately, they started to blast "Somebody to Love" by Queen.

Aziraphale looked thoughtfully at the Bentley. "Could they be in love, perhaps?"

"A car? In love?"

The Bentley honked angrily at Crowley.

Crowley ignored the Bentley's comment. "But with who?"

"Ah, too bad the Bentley can't talk," Aziraphale noted. Right at that moment, Anathema called Crowley.

Newt was angrily turning his car on and off. It wouldn't stop.

"Remember when your Bentley and Newt's car started honking yesterday?" Anathema glanced at her husband who was now banging his head on the steering wheel.

"Yeah, is your car acting odd now?" Crowley got into the Bentley, gesturing Aziraphale to get inside.

"You guessed right, now Dick Turpin won't stop playing Britpop, can you c-"

Crowley began driving to Anathema and Newt's house while the Bentley played all of Queen's love songs. "Come over? Already on our way." He hung up.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Aziraphale asked.

"That our cars are sick in the engines?"

"What? No, that your Bentley is in love with Dick Turpin."

After listening to the love playlist Crowley composed after Aziraphale told him that he went too fast for him, they arrived at the house. Dick Turpin and the Bentley started honking happily at each other, talking and yapping. The Bentley had never been more excited to talk to another car and Dick Turpin had never been happier to honk annoyingly.

Crowley turned to Anathema and Newt who were very confused. "So, our cars are in love."

"What?" Anathema said very confusedly.

"They are in love, that's all."

Confused, Anathema and Newt brought them in for tea. Crowley and Aziraphale explained what the whole ordeal was. Although they were all confused on how cars could even  _ feel _ but they decided to have a double date, which was technically a triple date because it was all for the Bentley and Dick Turpin, at the Ritz.

It was the day of the date and the Bentley was all polished up. They were cleaned three times and waxed one time because they wanted to have a good impression on Dick Turpin. Crowley picked Aziraphale up and they drove to the Ritz.

Dick Turpin was very confident for the date. They were cleaned a couple times, inside and out, and waxed. All they needed now was to be right beside the Bentley. Newt and Anathema got into them and too, went to the Ritz.

Dinner at the Ritz was lovely for Anathema, Newt, and Aziraphale. Crowley just drank wine and watched the rest eat. But, this isn't a love story for them, is it? Dick Turpin and the Bentley were sitting, polished and shiny, at the parking lot. The Bentley played a love song from the radio and so did Dick Turpin. Later on, they both looked back and agree that nothing would ever top that night, except for their wedding, but that's a story for later.


End file.
